![\"\"](\"http:\/\/jessicaleader.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/04\/ekanderson.jpg\" "\\"ekanderson\\"")
<\/a>The wisened semi-grown up writing this post.<\/p><\/div>\n
1. How many of you would believe that a girl who runs a blog called The Hate-Mongering Tart<\/a> is actually nice to a fault?\u00a0 I mean, seriously<\/p>\n 2. Reading about how nice I am is, as Hassan from John Green<\/a>‘s AN ABUNDANCE OF KATHERINES would say, “not interesting.” (Um, I read this book last week and it’s hysterical.\u00a0 Just saying.)<\/p>\n So.\u00a0 I have decided to tell you about the time that Mean Girls — real Mean Girls — tried to take over my life.\u00a0 I mean, wow, who would have thought the Mean Girls would have been interested in me?\u00a0 I was a sort of punk rocker with pink and black hair and I wore lots of non-matching clothes and glittery make-up and they were pretty much obsessed with, like, making sure they had color-coordinated their outfits…to each other.<\/p>\n But somehow fate would have it that these two would be the girls with whom I’d spend most of my time at the beginning of my sophomore year in college. So, I thought, so that future Proud Geek Girls of the world are not lulled into a sense of security when attacked by a tribe of Mean Girls, I would make you a list of warning signs.<\/p>\n You've seen MEAN GIRLS. Have you ever felt like Kady? Or Janice?<\/p><\/div>\n WARNING SIGN NUMBER ONE: Your new friends always say things like “you could look so pretty if<\/em>.”<\/strong> This is me about 8 years ago. Being my goofy self. Arm belongs to a MEAN GIRL.<\/p><\/div>\n WARNING SIGN NUMBER TWO: Your new friends always have nasty things to say about your other friends and\/or significant other.<\/strong> The original Mean Girls movie was HEATHERS. Ironically, one of my Mean Girls' favorite films.<\/p><\/div>\n WARNING SIGN NUMBER THREE:<\/strong> Your new friends dole out “punishments” for breaking “rules.”<\/strong><\/a><\/a> And though I had been bullied\/ignored\/uncool as a teen, I had had a pretty decent time with friends in college (and later had an even BETTER time, post-Mean-Girl-pocalypse, in case you were wondering).\u00a0 And these girls seemed to like me.\u00a0 Little did I know — as the geeks of the world so often don’t, in real life — that I was their PROJECT.\u00a0 You know, like in that movie, SHE’S ALL THAT?\u00a0 Where a girl takes off her glasses and gets a haircut and — BAM! — she’s a Hottie McHotpants and the star of the Prom?\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 They wanted that for me, without the makeover.<\/p>\n<\/a>
\nIt may SOUND like a compliment, especially to those of us who have grown up being told that or just feeling like we are ugly or fat or weird.\u00a0 Me?\u00a0 I felt like a total freak for most of my adolescence and sometimes still I look at myself in the mirror and go WTF, Emily, why do you have to look ridiculous?\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 A real friend doesn’t tell you “could be hot” or “could attract that guy\/girl” or “could look good” if you lost ten pounds\/changed your make-up\/bought different clothes\/stopped wearing glasses.\u00a0 A real friend may look different from you, but she doesn’t doubt for a second that you’re awesome.\u00a0 Okay, now you’re thinking, wouldn’t a good friend, like, tell me if I had spinach in my front teeth?\u00a0 Or tell me that a dress I like maybe doesn’t complement my figure?\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 You’re right.\u00a0 But that’s different. \u00a0 A real friend wants to help you be the best you you can be, by working with who you already are.\u00a0 For her, it’s not<\/em> about making you a different you altogether.\u00a0 Here’s a test:\u00a0 if it would annoy you coming out of your mom\/grandmother\/critical female relative’s mouth, it’s not something your BFF should say (or that you should say to your BFF).<\/p>\n
\nJealousy is ugly, for real.\u00a0 And one thing all Mean Girls have in common is some funky green-faced action.\u00a0 The truth is, and you may have heard this before but I’ll say it again, a lot of Mean Girls are secretly super insecure, like the rest of us.\u00a0 And they don’t want anyone, even their Nerdy Girl Projects, hanging out with other people.\u00a0 Unless its on their terms.\u00a0 Like that time they said “We’re going to have a super fun lunch and then get manicures but you can’t come today because we’re having special us<\/em> time.” (Yeah, that’s a bonus sign. Good friends don’t tell you about good times and then tell you you’re not allowed.) So when they find out you want to go to a concert on Friday with this kid they think is uncool\/weird\/mean\/stupid\/ugly, and even when you say “You’re welcome to come but I didn’t know you were into (insert style of music here),” they have to rag on your friend\/date\/acquaintance and how he’s not good for your reputation.\u00a0\u00a0 This?\u00a0 Major sign your friends are mean girls.\u00a0 Because a real friend wants to be a part of your life, meaning they want to know the other people in<\/em> your life, even if they’re different.\u00a0 (MAJOR EXCEPTION:<\/strong> If your friends don’t want you hanging out with someone because they are ACTUALLY dangerous, i.e., say, a drug dealer?\u00a0 Or, like, history of violence?\u00a0 That means they’re looking out for you, not just being jerks.)<\/p>\n<\/a>
\nYes this actually happens.\u00a0 And yes, it’s happened to me.\u00a0 And yes, most of the time, I didn’t realize it was happening.\u00a0 You might not either, which is why I’m, like, filling you in and stuff.\u00a0 Example: You eat breakfast with your new friends every day for a few weeks and then suddenly they tell you “We don’t know if you should eat breakfast with us today.\u00a0 You talk a lot and breakfast is quiet time.” (This is verbatim from my REAL LIFE Mean Girl experience. Mean Girls, if you’re out there, I hope you feel SHAME. Um, I also hope you’re not stalking me.) You know what?\u00a0 If you talk a lot, (or, you know, have some other quirk), that’s part of what makes you YOU.\u00a0 And our friends aren’t going to like everything<\/em> about us.\u00a0 They might even get annoyed at us sometimes (mine sure do!), but that doesn’t mean they get to punish you.\u00a0 If your friends make you feel\u00a0 bad about being yourself, that’s a pretty big neon sign that they’re not really your friend.\u00a0 Unfortunately, Mean Girls are pretty good at making you feel like it’s YOUR FAULT, hence the “rules” and “punishments” scenario.<\/p>\n