My burrito was nowhere near as good as this

This is the Facebook update I really wanted to post  today, except it just sounded too stupid:

JESSICA LEADER:

Fantasized about a lunch burrito of black beans, pepper jack, avocado and green salsa

But for about the first time ever in her household, there were no black beans

She should have remembered that she didn’t let herself buy pepper jack (and so there was only string cheese and fancy sour cheese that doesn’t taste good in burritos)

She hasn’t bought avocadoes in weeks and strangely, neither has that wife of hers (said wife really goes for the avocadoes.)

So instead, she made a something

(distinctly NOT a burrito) with chick peas, cut-up string cheese, and green salsa (at least she had that green salsa.)

It started out poorly, with her forgetting to flip the tortilla before piling on the filling, and since the steam-crisped tortilla is her favorite part, she scraped off the filling to flip the tortilla.

Alas, she had used the cast-iron pan, not the non-stick one

So you know that that tortilla did do?

Yes.  It stuck.

But that did not deter her.  She gamely scraped and tried to steam-crisp that second side.

It worked okay

But when she had removed the filling, it scattered

(the wife is reading over my shoulder and exclaimed, “This is terrible!  And I will get you avocadoes, and black beans!  You must tell me if you want the Jack cheese.”  The wife is the best, no?)

Anyway.  Scatteredness.  Poor cooking.  Actually, non-melting.  Something about the string cheese on the stove–I don’t know.  It didn’t work.

(The wife chimed in, “It’s also low-fat string cheese.”  She’s smart, too.)

I think I blocked out how it came to this

But I ended up sitting down with a mess of knotty chick peas and semi-melted pellets of cheese that didn’t even stay in the wrapper

They were just hard and gross and once again scattered

And it was very sad

(the wife is laughing)

(sympathetically, she notes)

And tomorrow I will go to the grocery store.

I’m sure you can see why I didn’t put this on Facebook.