I was thrilled when Jessica guest blogged on my site, writing a fantastic song. Now, I’m so excited to return the favor. The segment’s title alone—On the Scene with Nice and Mean—makes me feel super cool. But, I’ll let you in on a secret. I wasn’t always the starlet before you. I know it’s a shocker, but such is the world of girls. Boys will tell you what they think to your face (unless you’re dating them; then they play games—but that’s another post altogether). If a guy dates his friend’s ex, they may come to blows with their fists. Or, he may just tell him, “Dude, that’s not cool.” They’d have a few other choice words, and end of story. But not girls. Girls may have it out with you too, but just when you think everything is fine, poof and abracadabra. The mean girls appear.

The first time I experienced this was when I was in sixth grade. I hung with the cool kids then (that is, they would become the cool crowd). We had sleepovers. I got invited to their parties. I played spin-the-bottle (although we didn’t really do anything when the bottle landed on us). We went to the local luncheonette for lunch (here, I knew I was part of something big because leaving school to go out to lunch was not something everyone did). Then, about midway through sixth grade, they stopped asking me to go out to lunch with them (they told me later, “Oh, we didn’t think you’d be allowed to go”). They told me my clothes were weird. The big thing then was that the color of your socks had to match your shirt. Mine didn’t. When a new girl entered our grade, I was really excited. We became friends, I invited her to sleep over. She never showed up. The mean girls adopted her. She told me later, they told her I wasn’t allowed to do anything fun at my house. They ended up ostracizing her too. By the end of the year, not only were we not friends but none of those girls were friends with her either. She signed everyone’s autograph book with the same phrase: “Sorry about all the fights.”

In high school, the mean girl thing happened again, only this time it was worse because I thought these girls would stay my friends forever (What? That’s how high school girls think. That’s what those BFF necklaces mean, so must be true.) Then, there was a guy. Isn’t there always? And a misunderstanding. Everyone stopped talking to me. The “friends” who were supposedly friends with both me and the girl in question (let’s call her Stella), said they understood both sides (they also knew what really happened) but did nothing to help the situation. One of them left Stella “real friends” in our senior will.

Why does this happen? Who knows? It taught me things, though. I’m not going to wax poetic and say I’m happy for all that happened, but the friends I got in college were true friends. I knew what to look for, could read behind the false exterior and see when people were really being friendly or setting me up for a fall. I talk to a few people from h.s., but mainly on facebook, and am only really close with one person from back then. Not surprisingly, it’s a guy. And other than a minor argument in high school, we’ve been good for years. Were things perfect? Nope. But if there was anything amiss, we talked it out. I never had to worry that he would tell a friend who’d tell a friend who’d tell a friend that he hated me.

On teen shows, though, everyone becomes friends—mean and non-mean girls alike. I wonder if that’s how it is now or is this just an alternate lovey dovey reality. On the original 90210, Kelly hooked up with Dylan while Brenda was away. Majorly hooked up. And Brenda and Kelly found a way to be friends in the later episodes. On the new 90210, Naomi and Silver totally ostracize Annie, and now she’s forgiven them all and they apologized and everyone is happy happy. One Tree Hill? Peyton dated Lucas behind Brooke’s back. They patched it up. Granted, it took a psycho killer to bring them together, but still.

Maybe that’s the answer. If you have girls, sit them in front of teen soaps, and have them take notes. Tell them real friends make things work. And if you become a mean girl, there are ways to reform.

Margie Gelbwasser

www.margiewrites.com

INCONVENIENT, Flux, November 2010