To lure schooly types (parents, teachers, librarians) to a bookstore event last month, I raffled off a free author visit.  As you may recall, a mom bringing a neighborhood full of spirited middle-school girls won the drawing, and on Monday, I got to make good on my promise at Scribner Middle School.

I’m sorry for anyone who did not win, but I am glad that Scribner did, because not only is their auditorium gorgeous, their teachers organized, and their kids an ideal audience, but they made 250 kids available to come hear me speak!  Thank goodness I was a teacher before I was an author, because this was a big crowd, y’all.  The pictures tell the story best, so I’ll let them do it…

See what I'm saying? That place was huge!

Am I balancing an invisible tray?

Once they raised their hands, they all became ghosts.

Okay, obviously, there was no paranormal element to the proceedings.  The blurriness is a result of the fact that I hate the way the flash affects digital pictures and always turn it off, and then other people have to suffer through my poor choices when they kindly take the camera (thank you, Ms. Thompson!)  I’d like to think it lends a cool effect, at least.

One fun thing about the visit was that Ms. Thompson, who organized it, encouraged me to talk about my own experiences with niceness and meanness, and I did, in a more forthcoming way than I have before.  The most meaningful part for me, and I think for the students as well, if I’m any good at reading a room, was when I talked about the only time I remembered anyone standing up to me for the way I tried to run the show.  I’ll tell that story some other time, some other place, but I think it was as much of a “Wow” moment for them as it was for me back in ninth grade that somebody could be brave enough to say, “I know I have no control over what you do, but what you’re doing is hurting me, and I wish that you would stop.”

Another great element of the visit was the questions, and my favorite happened to be the last one: “You know when books–not yours, maybe, but other ones–have, like, handwriting in them?  How do they do that?”  I explained that there are more fonts in the world than your Microsoft Word can even dream of, and publishers look for the ones that best fit the character.  The girl seemed to like this explanation, and I liked the question because it so exactly spoke to what kids really care about: the nuts-and-bolts of the physical book that they interact with.  Never mind this mush about what inspired you, the boring adult author.  What’s the deal with the book in my hand?  I hope to do more school visits so I can keep bringing on the ghosts and connect with the kiddos.

Thanks, Scribner, for your extensive awesomeness!  Oh, and ps, thanks for telling your kids that if they couldn’t buy books, I would sign their planners!  I think that might be an all-time career high.

Will talk about my reading on Saturday in a moment, but guess who’s coming to town this weekend?  The cutest nephew ever!!

In other news (ha, I almost wrote, ‘in other words’), I’m hoping to see some of you Louisville readers at Carmichael’s Bookstore on Frankfort Avenue this Saturday at 4pm!  I’ll be reading and doing Q&A, and there will be a special presentation for teachers called, “Ways to Enhance Writing Workshop: Lessons from a Real-Live Writer.”  I always thought I was a pretty good writing teacher, but when I started writing full-time, I realized there were several things I could have done more effectively.  Here’s a teaser: no more memoirs!  Nancy Atwell, writing guru, swears by memoirs.  I loved Nancy Atwell, but I never thought the memoir units really worked, and at Carmichael’s, I will reveal the reasons why.

I also have a new approach to my get-the-crowd-talking technique.  Questions will fly.  Objects will fly.  Be there.

Carmichael’s did a great write-up for me, so I’m going to paste it here. Did you know they’re Louisville’s oldest independent bookstore?

On Saturday, I did one of my first authorly Events, the Big Brothers Big Sisters Friendship Celebration.  I have been a Big Sister for over 4 years now, and it’s been a fantastic element in my life.  I love being able to help someone directly, without any interface, and of course I love my little sister, who has grown from 8 to almost 12 in the time that I’ve known her (and she’s retained her sweetness—amazing!)  Naturally, I was thrilled to have a Nice and Mean Event for an organization I care so much about.

An Event is a somewhat different beast than a reading or school visit.  At an Event, you have a table representing Your Book and You, and you are the sole staff member (well, unless you are a bigger type than myself.)  You might sell books, and you might not.  Mostly, you are there to drum up enthusiasm for Your Book and You and to Meet People.   I have no problem with this. I like meeting people, especially kids and teachers, and this gives me a chance to interact.  But to do this, I have decided, I need a Gimmick, and my Gimmick is Nice and Mean Memories.  (Apparently my Gimmick for Talking About This is Capital Letters, but anyway.)

In addition to erecting my little area with books, bookmarks, and information on how to bring me into your school, I created a little clothesline to which people could affix their Nice or Mean Memories.  I had some left over from various bookstore appearances, but those are going to get retired, because I got so many great new ones from the Little Brothers and Sisters and their Bigs and parents, too!  I told them I’d put their words on the internet and make them famous by Monday night, so here I am, making good on my promise.

I’m starting with the mean memories so you can end on a sweet note:

Mean Memories

When my mama had got lock up my godmother cut my hair when I was 13.

5^th Grade—I was proud of my new gauchos…until I saw the “popular” girls giggling about them.

My mom had a dozen roses stolen from her.

Nice Memories

I the best student and the nicest.  My name is Demetrius.

My favorite nice memory is when my 10-year-old brother wrote me a letter for my 18^th birthday telling me how much I mean to him!  I love you, little brother!

A friend came to visit me & gave me a hug after a hard day at the doctor’s office.

When my mom tooke me and my mom’s friend and daughter to Six Flags!!

Me and all my family went to the zoo.

My best friend, John Mark, getting the ENTIRE cafeteria to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me on my 16^th birthday!

All the time that me and my big sis cook together.

Joe is my friend at church and he is nice to me.

I did chors to help mi mom.  (Editor’s note: I feel compelled to remark that that was written by a 5-year-old on his own!)

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I was surprised that so many more people wrote Nice memories than Mean ones.  I personally might have liked to vent (maybe this is why I am a writer?), but I guess they wanted to think about something happy on a Saturday morning—and who can blame them?

Mostly, though, I just felt good reading and re-typing these.  It’s such a good reminder, too, that even something as simple as taking your family to the zoo can count as a nice memory.  It’s possibly indulgent and self-referential to be inspired by things inspired by your book, but I did feel inspired, and honored, at the memories people shared.

If you have any Nice or Mean memories to share, feel free to add.

Thanks to WHAS 11 News for inviting me to be on the news at noon–it was so fun!

Edited to add: you can watch it here!

I hope everybody gets a chance to be interviewed in a news studio sometime, because it’s an uncanny experience.  The top 10 things I was surprisedly delighted by, in order of appearance:

1. The ceilings in the building are so high! Maybe 16 feet?  I tried to guesstimate, and maybe someone can set me straight, but walking in, I felt like a member of the Willy Wonka party peering around the door to the chocolate factory. (Tragically, no Gene Wilder singing “Pure Imagination,” but there were other pleasures to follow.)  It makes sense; they need to hang many lights at different angles, but I had never thought about that element before.

2. If it’s local news, at least, there will be no one fluffing your face with a blush-brush or dabbing on the pancake make-up. That was okay by me; I used the once-weekly make-up beforehand.  I had just been looking forward to that, along with some tissues tucked in the collar, but maybe I’m confusing that with, I don’t know, having an important role.

3. There may not be a green room, but you get to sit on the sidelines and  watch until it’s your turn. This was probably the best part.  Claudia, the news anchor, read the news just like they do on TV.  (Shocking, I know!)  But in between takes, she’d make funny comments.  When she finished introducing an Oprah episode about call-girls, she fanned her face said, “I’m so glad you showed the clip for that one–I didn’t want you to see my face!  My mother’s at home going, ‘Clow-dia!  Ach du lieber!’  I giggled, thinking of this incredibly polished woman and her strict German mother.

Claudia also made me laugh over the Tiger Woods divorce story.  When she finished it, she worried, “Did I pronounce his wife’s name E-lin, or Ellen?  No, I know I said E-lin.  Ellin has very long hair;  Ellen has very short hair.”  It took me a minute to get the pun (Ellen de Generes; vowel sounds), but then I had to hide my laughter, too.  I thought only reading teachers thought about long and short vowels, but apparently not!

4. You may meet other people in the studio with much cooler stories than your own.

I shared the warming-bench with the second-place winner of both the pie-baking contest AND the chocolate-treat baking contest at this year’s state fair.  It was a serious effort not to leap up and swipe a piece of the cake while no one was looking.

5. News comes in even during the broadcast, and the anchors have to adjust the stories and keep their composure.

During commercials and clips from the network, Claudia would check her Blackberry, and at first, I thought, ‘Oh, she’s probably texting her family.” Turned out she was getting new stories, including one about a shooting in town.  It seemed like they shortened other pieces to get that in, with little lead-time to do so, and they couldn’t react emotionally at all, or if so, only in a measured way.

6. It’s almost lonely in that studio.

It’s so big, and it was just Claudia, the weather and traffic reporter (Grant? Gene?  Sorry!) and the tech guy.  I always think writing is a lonely profession, but I wonder if it doesn’t feel even weirder to cheerfully report the news and bare your personality with no response!

7. The microphone goes up through your shirt!

Second base on the first date with a microphone, on local TV!  What would Claudia’s mother say?  And the worst part was that my shirt and the mike were black, so to make sure the mike wasn’t making my shirt look weird, I had to ask Claudia to help me adjust.  She was very nice about it, though.

8. The chairs have no backs, and you can’t see how you look beforehand!

I am much better at sitting up straight when there’s something to rest on, and I didn’t get to check my appearance until I was on TV, only to see that I was projecting an unflattering side view and didn’t know how to work around it!  I mean, I know the point is the book and not me, but I wish I’d had more winning cards here, other than what mom and dad gave me…

9. Unless you’re a criminal, they are nice enough to let you know what they’ll be asking you first.

I wouldn’t say I got the questions in advance or anything, but in the minute or so between when I sat down and when we went ON AIR, Claudia said we didn’t have a lot of time and asked me what I wanted covered.   I told her and she more or less stuck to that with a few other things thrown in.  Quel relief!

I got to talk about what I think the book teaches, where I get my inspiration, and how I’m grateful to be on the IndieNext list.  That was all we had time for, but it was fun while it lasted!

10. If you get to be on TV, for goodness’ sake, ask when it will be aired and record it!!

I just assumed it was going to be for a later broadcast and that I’d get home in time to record it, but apparently it was somewhat live–gah!  I guess I’ll pay the $$ to buy it, but I still feel like a doog.  (That was meant to say ‘doof,’ but ‘doog’ encapsulates it so much better.)

Ah, well–next time, I’ll check my side appearance and do my recon!  That is, if there is a next time.  I hope so; I really enjoyed myself.  Maybe Claudia wants me to come on to imitate my mother.  I can do a really good one of her talking about her pockabook, which is Rhode Island-ese for “purse.”  Or I can talk about long and short vowel sounds.  Or maybe I’ll write another book…

If you have any tips for future appearances, feel free to chime in!